i would like to copy and paste something i wrote earlier for this piece, i made this for my dog...for my baby, my brother, my reason for living, Billy. i lost him two days ago and i'm never going to get over this. i put this artpiece in with him, so he can take it with him, and just scanned myself a copy to remember. Billy is the black and white one with the curly pig tail, Keechi is the black and white one with the gold face, Lucky is the tan and white one, then our two cats Mytec and Milo, myself, my mom and my dad, with a rainbow and a wolf guardian spirit to keep watch over him, we're all joining him in this sense. the quality of this picture is really terrible, it was hard to draw ands i kept cryiong while drawing it, but it felt it was important for him to have. i also wrote him a lletter on the back of it. now...i cant keep retyping what ive written about this, it hurts too much, so here...keep in mind this was written earlier, things are taken care of now...but nothing hurts any less...

my best friend
two days ago i lost my best friend in the entire universe, the most wonderful dog to ever live and im posting here so everyone can know how special he was...is,, i'm sorry for my typing, its been two days and we still have stuff to do and i keep having breakdowns and loosing myself. im greatful to the close friends i have who have been supportive and caring, but it feels like nothing,no one can help me now...my world, my universe, my reason for living is over.

his name is billy, and i say is because i feel like hes still here,,in a way.

i'm still in shock and i think a part of me will always remain in denial. i was ready to just run out the door and never look back after it first happened, my mom got a close friend of mine on the phone and i was able to talk to him for a while,,hes one of my wolf brothers. it helped a little but it still didn't hurt any less, still doesn't.

he was very important to me, my parents and myself each had a special baby, a dog that they felt closest to, and he was mine. i grew up with him, i raised him from a puppy since i was five years old or younger, he was the first and closest living thing ive ever loved so much, ill never love another being as much as i love him. and i think thats what hurts so much, he wasnt just a pet to me he was like a child or a brother, and like i told my friend i feel as if theres a part of my heart that will never, ever beat again. he was almost 17 years old, and had heart and lung problems which i still think the vet couldve done more for...but i cant think of what couldve been, it hurts to much.

i took a two and a half hour walk by the river to see if i could shake some of it, but nothing helped much. i know the other animals can sense it, one of the cats came over and just laid next to him for a while, just watching,,,and the other dog, keechi, kept sniffing him and crying and pacing in circles. they were very, very close, they even looked like siblings and people always used to think they were from the same litter. ive got so many pictures of them kissing and snuggling,,,i was going through my pictures just now after i woke up and couldnt sleep again. i passed out from physical and emotional exhaustion earlier, but when i woke up i was struck too hard with reality to sleep again.

we still have to take care of things, we had no box large enough and im really uncomfortable with there being no kind of shield, i feel like i should make this safe and special so his journey is protected. my mom, myself, the other dog and the cats all had a tiny piece of our hair cut off, and my dad had mailed a letter with some of his hair and his dogs hair, so we put all our hair together in an envelope and were going to put it in with him, so a piece of each of us goes with him. im also going to put a couple pictures that i have copies of of all of us together in there, so he can take precious memories with him too, and i gave him my snoopy plush and my blanket and some of his most loved toys. i also drew him a picture, with all of us,,all our animals, myself, and myparents all running together witha rainbow and a wolf in the back,, i want to know hes safe, i want to know hes still with me, that he can run free over the rainbow now, be with the wolves, but always always be with me.

i just feel like theres more i couldve done, more that i shouldve done, forthe past year and a half since his condition worsened and he started having fainting spells i stayed home with him, day and night,,always there in case he had a spell andso he was never alone. but we couldnt go out or for many walks, the last time we took him to the park he had so many episodes and kept falling over. but i was always here, we snuggledand kissed andslept together,,an the past week ive been sleeping either between the two dogs, or with billy pressed up against my chest and keechi in the curve ofmy legs. i just feel like i shuld go with him, i cant stand living in a world where i can't hug himclose like i always used to. my dogs have always been one of the few things keepingm e going, one of the few comforts in this world, hes so precious to me

my mom keeps asking if id like to keep his collar or tags, but i worry he'll feel like were disownning him if we take his collar away,,,maybe ill just keep his name tag, i may wear it around my neck so hes always close,,,in a sense. a friendof mine did that with her cats name tag,,

theres more to say, i know, but im not sure i can handle anymore right now. here is a collage of my dogs, mostly of Billy...he's the black and white one with the curly pig tail, the black and white one with the gold face is Keechi, his little princess who is really depressed right now,,she keeps crying. the other dog is my dads, Lucky...who he took with him when he moved.please click this link...

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i have many many other pictures i would like to share sometime, i want the world to know how special he was...is

to billy...may you run free over the rainbow, i love you always and forever.

autumn